Resolutions for Men

From Menletter December 2006

By Tim Baehr

OK, men, listen up. It's that time of year, and we've got to make some resolutions. That's the tradition, after all. Except this time, let's keep them. The secret may lie in making a couple of resolutions that we can actually keep. Here are some worthy candidates to pick and choose from, aimed especially at us guys. Each candidate has two components: a general statement and some specific examples. My theory is that, if we make vague, general promises, we'll never keep them. Even one or two grand, vague resolutions can feel so overwhelming that we don't know where to start. A specific resolution seems more doable. And a limited number of specific resolutions gives us a fighting chance. We all have to work out the specifics for our own situations and pick our own battles, but I hope these examples provide useful starting points.

1. I will spend more time with my family. I will go to all of my kids' sports events. I will set up an inviolable "date night" with my spouse or partner. I will watch TV with my kids at least once a week, no matter what they're watching. I will plan one weekend family outing for each month.

2. I will promote a healthy, realistic view of men and women. I will comment to my wife and kids on any TV commercial that demeans men or women. If some ad or show is particularly bad, I will write to the company or the producers. (This works: Men have gotten demeaning anti-boy T-shirts pulled from stores and ads depicting men as dolts or perverts pulled from TV.)

3. I will spend more time with men. I will join or set up a men's group or drumming group. I will go out to dinner or lunch with a male friend at least once a month.

1. I will do something about my health. I will make an appointment for a physical exam. I will get my prostate checked with a digital exam and a PSA blood test. (Get a PSA test as early as 40, just to have a baseline.) I will join Weight Watchers. I will walk at least part-way to work and back. I will get a gym membership. (Planet Fitness is a national chain of no-nonsense gyms that offer some very low-cost membership plans. My neighborhood in Boston has a city-run weight and cardio room that costs me $10 a month. You may find a similarly cheap facility in your neighborhood or college campus.)

2. I will not let my work shorten my life. I will find someone to cover my work occasionally; then I will actually take a vacation this year. I will confront a toxic boss, or change jobs. I will take an evening course that will qualify me for a better, lower-stress position. I will identify and offload one work task that sucks my energy and time.

3. I will improve my spiritual life. I will meditate ten minutes a day. I will find a church community that feeds and challenges me. I will spend at least a minute a day feeling gratitude for my life.

You might try this: Write one or two specific resolutions on the back of a business card or half a 3 x 5 card. That should limit overreaching ambition. Carry the card in your wallet and look at it once a week. I don't think it's useful to create a huge laundry-list of resolutions, even specific, potentially doable, ones. That kind of list can be overwhelming. I've tried to make the suggestions above pertinent to some of the challenges that we men face. But we all need to look at our own challenges and then choose the one or two things that will set us off in a new, better direction. An accumulation of these small steps over the years can transform our lives.