Man Up

From Menletter November 2009

By Tim Baehr

"We'll have to reach the wives first. Men won't listen. Besides, wives make the doctors' appointments for their husbands anyway."

This was the gist of a conversation I heard at a training session for men and women volunteering to help support men diagnosed with prostate cancer. Everyone in the room had experience with prostate cancer, either as a patient or as a spouse of a patient.

My face burned. Some one of us men should have raised a stink, both about the stereotyping and about the fact that it is often based on fact. What is it with this casual expectation that we men can't be bothered or trusted to take care of ourselves? No one spoke up; to my chagrin, that included me; the fact that I was a newcomer was no excuse.

Later, I spoke privately to one of the more experienced men, who had run support groups: "Seems to me that we need to get in men's faces and tell them to man up." He agreed, but without offering specifics about how we might do it.

So here's what I'll do, here and now. I'm telling all of us men: We need to man up. We can stop ignoring the entreaties of our spouses, or being annoyed and doing nothing, or letting them make our appointments and medical decisions for us.

It's time to give up the excuses:

● I don't have time.

● They might find something; if I don't get tested, I don't have it. (Ostriches, anyone?)

● I know I'm overweight/smoking/drinking too much. I don't want to be lectured.

● I'm healthy; when I get sick, I'll go.

And so on.

We probably take better care of our cars, with fewer excuses.

Here's something to commit to for the coming year:

● I will take charge of my health.

● I will get an annual physical, including prostate cancer testing if I'm 40 or over (and I won't let the doctor talk me out of it).

We can make the appointment, write it down, and show the paper to our partner - maybe even buried in a bouquet of flowers. We can say something like "I did this for us," or something equally mushy. May as well get some side benefit for our bravery.

Need a doctor? Your health plan, if you have one, probably has an on-line doctor finder.

Don't have a health plan? Check out Medicaid if you qualify. Go ahead, don't be proud. Other folks are helping pay for it through taxes, and we want you healthy. Really. If only because it costs all of us less in the long run. Check out local clinics. There's almost always a way to get care.

Women live longer than men by five years. According to the Journal of Family Practice, women use health care in a 4-to-3 ratio over men. Think there might be a connection?