I'll Have What She's Having

From Menletter June 2009

By Tim Baehr

Women trying to break through the glass ceiling and other barriers to male-dominated jobs might have been saying "I'll have what he's having," as if we men derived some superior and unique material sustenance or psychic elixir from our perceived privileges. What the women wanted was usually the prestige and money of our professions, from middle management on upward. (They didn't want to be cleaning out septic tanks or nailing on new roofs. They seldom went after the down-and-dirty jobs populated mostly by men.)

Women have achieved much in the past few decades. Nearly half the people in the workforce are women; 46 percent of management is female; and at the senior level in Fortune 500 companies, 16 percent are women, up from 10 percent in 1996. These and other statistics are outlined in a new book, Womenomics: Write Your Own Rules for Success, by the journalists Claire Shipman and Katty Kay. The entire first chapter, laying out much of the book's underpinnings, is provided on the Amazon website:

http://tinyurl.com/Excerpt-Womenomics.

In the past, many, perhaps most, women advanced in business by emulating men, or at least the stereotype of men: logical, hard-nosed thinking; decisive decision-making; 60-hour weeks; cutthroat competition; often even our clothing styles. They were "having what we were having," including I suspect more divorce, more drinking and smoking, earlier heart attacks. (In the past few years, longevity has been creeping upward in the US - but slower for women than for men. Some analysts have linked this slowing to women's increased stress and unhealthy habits as they try to emulate men.)

According to Womenomics, companies employing women in management positions have better equity, revenues, and assets overall. Women bring special qualities to their work, qualities not typically shared by men. With women making over $2 billion a year and controlling or influencing over 80 percent of purchases in the US, it makes sense that companies want women's insights into what to make and how to design and sell what they make. In addition, the authors claim, women can be far more efficient than men because, in managing both work and home, they stay more focused. The upshot is that many companies are seeking out women professionals not just for the sake of equality but for the bottom line.

The book's major thrust is that women are in a great position to set or modify the terms of their work: flexible hours, shorter work weeks, working from home, and so on. The argument is that women in flexible work situations perform better and are better for the company.

Many of us men have begun to get beyond the male stereotypes. We're more engaged in family life, trying to be more equal partners in keeping our households going, getting away for more soccer games. Sometimes these desires run counter to our employers' expectations about our dedication and constant availability for work assignments.

Some of us have also been doing the kind of "men's work" begun by Robert Bly and others in the 1980s - reconciling with difficult people in our lives, learning to listen without judging, developing compassion, acquiring assertiveness in expressing our needs and wants, thinking and working collaboratively. These qualities, with our masculine stamp on them of course, are similar to some of the qualities that the corporate world has discovered and begun to value in women.

What happens when men discover that our female counterparts are enjoying a better work-life balance and equivalent success at work? The bottom-line arguments about flexible work situations can apply to men as well as women, but the old practices and stereotypes surrounding men are likely to be firmly entrenched. Will we men be able to demonstrate our collaborative abilities - listen better to colleagues and customers - be at our kids' soccer games - stay at home with a sick kid or parent - postpone a business trip to attend a graduation - work from home - without endangering our careers?

It may be time for us men to adjust our thinking, and our bosses' thinking, based on the pioneering work women are doing in making the workplace more life- and family-friendly. Then we can say, "I'll have what she's having." Except maybe the clothing.

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*Famous line in the 1989 movie When Harry Met Sally.