Fred Rogers,
creator of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, died February 27 of stomach cancer. For
over 33 years he was the host of the children's TV show that bore his name.
In a world in which
men are seen as superheroes, testosterone-poisoned oafs, new-age wimps, or
simply clowns, Fred was the embodiment of a different image: a man who used his
immense talent and commitment to his craft in service to humankind. He reached
out to toddlers with unconditional love that seemed to well up from an
inexhaustible source. Our lives are richer for his work, and for his example.
He was a true
man.
A note from
Sparrow Hart(see my essay on Ruts, Routines, and Rituals in the last issue):
Thought I'd add
a bit a bit and note the difference between ritual and ceremony, since I work
in this field all the time.
Rituals are
transformative. Rituals make a change.
Ceremonies are
confirmative; they mark, announce, ratify a change has been made.
Point well
taken, Sparrow. Examples of ritual might be an initiation or the exchange of
vows at a wedding. A ceremony might be other aspects of the wedding, including
the reception afterward. The boundaries are clear in concept but often blurry
in practice. Any given event could have elements of rut, routine, ritual, and
ceremony.
Almost
everybody knows that one of the best approaches to nutrition is to eat a wide
variety of foods. Limiting your diet to candy bars and Coke is obviously bad
for you, but so is a steady diet of nothing but green vegetables and steak, or
potatoes and rice.
There are a lot
of things working against us: limited time, bad habits, a maxi-sizing trend,
heavy snack food advertising, and so on. We do the best we can, I suppose.
I'm not a great
advocate of getting the necessary nutrients from non-food sources, but there is
a place for pills. Some vitamins and other supplements are good for everyone;
some are particularly good for men.
One problem is
that every couple of months a new study comes out telling us that whatever
we've been taking is ineffective or dangerous -- followed by yet another study
extolling the virtues of yet another nostrum. But some things seem to pass the
test of time. Here's a rundown of the ones that seem most beneficial.
*
Multivitamin.
Yeah, the good ol' one-a-day pellet that Mom made us take as kids. There are
good multivitamins in both branded and generic bottles, and a lot of them come with
added minerals. Think of it as insurance against anything you might be missing.
Note for older men: get a "senior" brand like Centrum Silver or its
generic equivalent. It does not contain iron, which can be dangerous for the
prostate in higher doses.
* Vitamin C. It's not proven to help with
colds, but it does take care of bones, teeth, and gums, and may prevent heart
disease. Especially in the winter, many fruits and vegetables lose Vitamin C in
transit (which is why frozen or even canned veggies can be better
nutrutionally). Don't overdo: 500 to 1000 mg a day is plenty.
* Vitamin E. Studies have shown that 400 IU
(International Units) of E per day can lower the risk of heart attack and may
even delay the onset of Alzheimer's. Warning: too much Vitamin E is dangerous,
especially if you're taking a blood thinner like Coumadin.
* Calcium. Men need 600 to 1200 mg a day, the
equivalent of about 4 glasses of milk. If you don't drink milk or eat yogurt,
you may be buying yourself brittle bones later on in life. Get pills with
Vitamin D; it helps you absorb the stuff.
* Magnesium. This mineral (500 mg a day) has at
least two benefits: lowered heart-attack risk and more regular waste
elimination (which can lower colon cancer risk).
*
"Baby" aspirin.
Actually, this little pill is no longer just "baby" aspirin. Since
low doses have shown to lower risk of heart attack and stroke, drug companies
have begun packaging low-dose aspirin just for us guys. Look for 80 mg tabs
with enteric coating better for your tummy). Notes: (1) If you're taking blood
thinners or other anti-inflammatories, talk to your doctor first. (2) Ibuprofin
(Advil, Motrin, and the like) have been shown to negate the heart benefits of
aspirin.
* Saw
palmetto. Oops,
one o' them new-age hippie herbals, right? Well, yes: but it's often more
effective than prescription drugs for enlarged prostate (BPH, or benign
prostatic hyperplasia). I've read that doses over 320 mg a day are a waste;
save your money on the high-dosage pills. If you're traveling overseas, ask for
it by its Latin name, serenoa ripens. "Saw palmetto" is its American
name, as I found out in Italy last fall. If you're already under care for a
prostate problem, ask your doc first.
BIG
DISCLAIMER: Do not
take this as absolute medical advice. These are the supplements that have
worked for me. Although these are fairly conservative supplements to take, your
experience may vary. Also, no pill can substitute for a good diet. Just one
example is Vitamin C. While pills may be of some benefit, foods containing
Vitamin C are better: they contain other chemicals and fiber that benefit the
body.
Most of us in
the subscriber group are well beyond draft age, but you may have sons and
daughters or grandchildren who could be drafted. (I have a 17-year-old at
home.) However you feel about the recent saber-rattling (I'm against making war
on Iraq or Korea, but I don't want to repeat the debate here), you may have
even stronger feelings about the possible reinstitution of the draft (and its
extension to women).
I think we owe
it to ourselves and our sons and daughters to give some careful thought to the
prospect of a draft. Would a draft even out the class differences in the
military compared to the all-volunteer force we have? Would the prospect of
drafting upper-middle-class and upper-class kids make war less palatable to
their powerful parents? (Remember that some kids in the more privileged classes
got out of Vietnam-era service through student deferments and the like.)
Would you, or
your draft-age child, be happy emigrating to Canada to avoid the draft? What
would be your motive in going or in supporting such a move? Anti-war in
general? Anti-this-war because it's unjust or stupid? Afraid you or your child
might die? Would emigration be a patriotic act? Unpatriotic? Chicken? Would
your opinion be different if the young person were male or female?
These questions
you can attempt to answer only for yourself. And you may actually not be able
to answer them fully, let alone persuade someone else of your answers.
I was a student
during the early years of the Vietnam war (before the lottery-draft), and I had
first a student deferment and then a fathers' deferment. I chose not to enlist
because I didn't want to kill anybody, but I never really had to decide whether
to pack my bags for Canada or register as a Conscientious Objector. To this day
I don't know what I would have done if faced with a hard choice.
I was against
the war and its leaders, but never (as some people were) against the soldiers
who fought. Soldiers don't make policy, and I think the nasty reception many of
them got when they came home was utterly shameful.
Cathy Young's
recent Boston Globe column about the draft explores the issue of drafting women
and the expendability of our young men (quoting Warren Farrell). The column has
been posted to Young's Web site (http://pub135.ezboard.com/fcathyyoungfrm2.showMessage?topicID=58.topic
).
It can be very
hard, and frustrating, to try to do "men's work" and hold down a day
job. I've struggled with this for a couple of years, working full-time as a
technical writer and part-time as a teaching assistant in a couple of evening
courses in business writing, along with trying to keep up this newsletter and
help with the drumming and poetry sessions. In some of my darker moments, I'm
convinced that I have to wait till I "retire" so I can get to the
real work. I admit that in some ways I'm stuck with the idea -- and the fact --
of being a good provider for my family, and perhaps in some ways I'm addicted
to the income from the day job and the joy of teaching in the moonlight jobs.
But I see some
guys doing more with men, and I sometimes become a little jealous. How do they
find the time? I wonder if anyone else is doing substantial men's work and also
keeping up with a day job. I don't have endless energy like some people, and
maybe I'm just jealous of their energy and focus. It's frustrating.
Maybe some of
you are experiencing the same frustrations.
Sometimes
writing is a way of focusing and clarifying. In writing this essay, I'm
beginning to see things from another perspective. Here's where I'm going with
this:
Peter, my
senior professor, lectures students on the need to answer three questions: Is
it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? These are very close -- almost identical,
actually -- to the Buddhist principle of Right Speech. I've followed this
principle in most of my 35-year writing career, but Peter has articulated it in
this compact form.
And it occurred
to me that I could be more conscious about folding this principle back into any
writing or communicating that I do: in my day job, in this newsletter and other
men's work, in communicating with colleagues and family.
There are other
ways in which my daily work and my "men's" work can communicate to
each other across the apparent chasm between them. The organizational
techniques in technical writing can make the newsletter clearer. Meditation,
poetry, drumming, and simply being with other men of good heart and soul can
put me more in touch with values that give significance to my daily work,
family interactions, and so on. The deep respect I have for my students, and my
commitment to their success, is a training ground for whatever men's work I'll
be privileged to do in the future. And so it goes, back and forth.
(It also occurs
to me that there's a danger in things going in the wrong direction. I could be
doing men's work full-time in a rote, soulless, manipulative way, putting ego
gratification and control of others ahead of the heart-work and soul-work.)
So there it is.
The apparent conflict between my ordinary work and the "real" work I
want to do is perhaps not a conflict at all. It's all heart-and-soul work, or
it least it all has that possibility. And as long as I have a traditional day
job, I have a duty -- or an opportunity -- to do it in such a way that it is of
a piece (or of a peace) with the larger picture, the larger me.
Or to put it
another way: With the right perspective, it's all men's work.
Here are a
couple of resources worth noting.
Sparrow is a
co-founder of the Men's Wisdom Council. He is also the leader and facilitator
of several vision quests throughout the year.
Sparrow's
Mythic Warrior training takes place for nine weekends in nine consecutive
months and guides men through a search for their sacred masculinity.
General site, with
links to progams and schedules: Circles of Air, Circles of Stone
P.O. Box 48
Putney, VT 05346 USA (802) 387-6624 sparrow@together.net
http://www.circles-of-air.com/
Vistion Quest
site:
http://www.questforvision.com/index.html
Garry is on
staff at the Men's Wisdom Council and Mythic Warrior. He also leads the
Deerhaunt Men's Retreat in June and October.
Garry is a
experienced counselor and facilitator of group work. He does individual
counseling, emotional release work, and Integrative Breathwork.
http://www.garryalesio.com/main.html
Copyright
notice
All original
materials are (c) Copyright 2002, 2003 by Tim Baehr. All rights reserved. All
signed materials are copyright by their respective authors.
Warranty
I am not
responsible for the contents of Web sites I list or recommend.
Personal
correspondence:
Tim Baehr
tbaehr@aol.com
Love and peace,
Tim